The Calm Before the Storm

Playoffs are looming

After Sundays football extravaganza, lets take a look at who will make the cut and who is a huge fuckbag.

Erect Dicker VS Ware in the World is Jamaal

95.3 - 71.5

After a solid start with some Thanksgiving players with Zeke putting up 26 and Dez with 12, it looked liked Vu might be one of the higher scorers this week.  Sunday was not as kind to Vu though as Matty Ice only put up 18 and big goose eggs with Gates and Vinny.  Kelvin looked like he might put up a goose egg up until his really fucking lucky 4th quarter huge TD catch.  Oh and Hightower got one of those too.  Jack's luck was not much better as Cooks could not for the life of him find the football and the highly touted Bills D put up 2.  Only DJ was able to find the endzone and put up numbers higher than 12 as he laid down 30.1 points.  Tyreek on the bench is hard to swallow as choosing the wrong TE and D/ST only put him back 8 Points.  His whole team minus DJ and Reek laid a huge dump in his bed this week.  With Dustin up by 23.8 and Ertz still to play, it will be a tough for Jordy and Rodgers to pull ahead especially against the Philly D at home.  Look for Dustin to upset Jacks possible 1st Round Bye contention.

  

  

Crossroad Demons VS Oatmeal Creampies
96.7 - 86.5

Christian has pulled out a very unlikely win with huge playoff implications.  Trevor's team and to an extent Trevor, came to a crossroad and took the wrong fucking turn.  With terrible lineup decisions, Trevor left a little more than 50 extra points on the bench.  After Ebron's goose egg on Thanksgiving, everyone must've thought this was in the bag for Trevor.  But huge games from Ingram and Camcam shut that idea down real quick.  Christian creaming Trevor eliminates the latter from first round bye contention as Tyler holds the Head to Head tiebreaker over him.

Bigger Bagadicks vs Ashy Larry
152.3-100.5

After Kirk put up a solid 30 points for Dean on Turkey Day, and Marvin Jones only put up 9 for Colby, this game was over.  Just kidding.  Colbys team fought a tough uphill battle on Sunday and for a moment it looked like he might come out on top.  But iFart was battling from behind and quickly racked up points and the final nail in the coffin came during SNF as Emmanuel Sanders big dicked it for 29 points.  While Colby still has one player left, Randall Cobb, it seems very improbable, almost impossible for him to come back.  With a win by Dean, he will be 7-5 Tied atop the division with Tyler.  He needs a loss from Ethan or Joe tonight.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Bortles VS Worcester TurtleFuckers
94.1 - 175.7

Tylers team turtlefucked the shit out these ninja bortles.  Brees took it slow and steady and threw for 32.5 points.  Shady was faster than the hare and went for 29.4.  And Reed took some heavy blows but turtlefucked his way to 31.5 points.  But thats what happens when you like to rape.  You get to fuck people.  These were only teenage ninja bortles and yet Tyler raped them hard and dry.  A reach around didnt even cross his mind.  A loss by Jack will give Tyler a first round bye as he has secured the division.... and plenty of time to recover and get an alibi after this gang rape.

You Colin Me Un-American? VS Cincinnati Zoo Silverback
86.2 - 91.7

With these two teams within 5.5 points of each other and both with one left to play, this is the game of the week people.  Barbs got on his knees and scrounged around for 86 points with Wendell Smallwood still left to play.  The GB defense has turned to shit so its looking good but he still has to outscore Caleb Sturgis +5.  Ethan team ran around like a bunch of monkeys but only managed 92 points.  At this point in the week, I think the only American thing to do would for barbs to just shoot the Silverbacks out of playoff contention.  A win by Ethan would leave him 7-5 and a sure shot for the playoffs based on tie breakers.

Boston Dirt Stars VS Keenan Crowell
115 - 121.3

Another very close game with huge playoff implications.  While Joe is currently looking good, sitting ahead by 6 points and a running back to go, its no guarantee as that running back is an injured Darren Sproles.  With Wendell Smallwood set to take the bulk of the carries, Sproles might see a catch or two and hope to hold off Green Bays star kicker Mason Crosby, Gregs only player left.  With Justin Tucker hitting 3 fifty yarders in the first half yesterday, its certainly possible that this game flow could go in Gregs favor.  Sproles will need to be active in the running game and play through injury if Joe wants a sure chance of making the playoffs.  Joe holds tiebreakers over Dean and Vu.











So what does all this mean.

So far we have two division winners.  Barbs wins the Chris Weinke division and Tyler has secured the Jake Delhomme division.  Barbs has secured the #1 playoff spot.  Its between Jack and Tyler for the other 1st round bye.  Dean needs a loss by either Joe or Ethan to stay playoff relevant.  Vu needs losses by Ethan and Joe for a chance maybe?  A win by Ethan pretty much puts him in.

AKA.  No one is safe.  A first round bye is still in the air.  The last wildspots are still up for grab.  This might be the most up in the air this league has been entering MNF.  Have we got ourselves a game tonight.  I personally will be drinking my nerves away so if anyone wants to shotgun a beer on google hangouts lets fucking do it.

Fuck all your shitty teams.

Fuck you Trevor

May the strongest survive.